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Nxa! Don’t you just get angry when you busy going through your crush’s wall, just nje… like you normally do! I mean, it is not surprising that you do… Then there are these 3 girls always liking and commenting on each and everything crush says, does or share. But out of these 3, there is this one man… She annoys you so much you have stopped yourself many times from inboxing her and say… “kanti what is happening between you and my crush?”


Your crush is busy enjoying his day with his friends and they are having a good day. You know this because you watching him like a hawk through his posts. He then decides to check in. Mxm… you click on his location! Not that you want to go where he is, but just checking the kilomitres that separates you and your crush at that moment. You don’t mind that it clocks at +450km, you just smile and say ‘soon boo’. Then someone starts to type, you wait… You wanna see who and what do they want… Remember those 3 hoochies ne? They liked his post already, but that annoying one felt it was not enough, she took it upon her self to comment on your crushes check-in and say things like; “You are just around the corner and you don’t invite me…” you find yourself typing things like “Biatch invite you where? For what? Kahle-kahle what do you want from him? Leave my crush alone you blocking his view… It is me he should be seeing.” but you never click on send, you delete. But you feel at peace because you told her in your head…


Mxm… This biatch nje just refuses to give me peace… So crush is not feeling well today and decides to update his status; “Not feeling well, I guess I had too much to drink over the weekend,” then the famous trio click on sad reactions – Like really now? But the annoying hoochie couldn’t leave it at sad emoji. I can see other people saying things like “get well” and few people saying, “its time to take a break,” but she decides to say; “… because you decided not to invite me, but you will be fine, just sleep it off.” REALLY? Are you serious? Invite you where? So you are a Doctor now, doing consultations and diagnosis wirelessly and you even give f***ed up remedies such as “sleep it off” as the best possible solution… Stay in your lane and leave crush alone. I know what is good for him, nxa! That was my reply to her comment… in my head.   


Kahle kahle now this is getting way too personal for my liking… So I’m busy here minding my own business, stalking crush like I do everyday. You know I don’t click like on his posts nor comment on them. But I see what he writes every time, he is my see-first when I come here. Please don’t act better than me, mxm… At least I’m not hiding what I do, phela this is crush. As I was saying… I’m chilling busy going through posts, pictures from way back in 2008, yes, that is when crush opened his FB account. I’m trying to get to know my boo better. You see that thing fb has,  where it shows people when you liked their old pics, mxm, that must just fall nje… So I mistakenly liked a pic from 2014, so I quickly got out of his album and went on with my business. But then the nosy hoochie, whom I suspect is stalking my crush’s timeline, felt compelled to make it known that she saw what I did. Like really now… I’m getting angry as I’m typing this… She decided to comment on the very pic, saying things like; “Nothing changed from 2014 and now… You are still hot.”  Who is hot? Hot for who? This person just wants me nje. Mafra! And while I was still responding to her in my head, those other two couldn’t miss such an opportunity, they joined in the party; calling crush things like, “Charmer…” Can’t people find their own crushes and leave me to crush on my crush alone in peace, shuuu…


– By Lady Phindz

Image source: herinterest.com

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