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VIV Variety

How to Sex a Tsonga man

  1. You get 3 minutes foreplay, so make it count!
  2. If he prefers to have sex with the lights off or inside the blanket, just know there won’t be any foreplay.
  3. Speak up when it hurts, before your womb is damaged.
  4. Don’t talk dirty, it creates trust issues…
  5. We come with three 3 positions; missionary, dog style and the third one is a surprise.
  6. Don’t ask us questions during sex, our lies are life-changing when we are erect, we have no limits shem!
  7. Easy with the scratching and love bites, our wives hate it.
  8. Don’t be lazy during sex; it’s the biggest turn off. You shouldn’t have bothered sathani, nxa!
  9. More than anything, when having sex with a Tsonga man; prepare to take pipe and follow instructions, u nga hi disturb’i please!
  10. If he comes quick first round; forgive him and give him a second chance. But if he fails again, it’s culturally appropriate to reduce him to a boy and publicly shame him.
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