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Entertainment, VIV Variety

Love letter to Caster MmaGauta Semenya

Dear Ratu,

My darling Caster, How I’m so glad that you are finally coming back home, am also glad you finally got over your fear for flying, cause fear is not for champions and running from Rio back to JHB is not a practical idea. I understand with your speed, why you thought you would have made it back on time, phela waspita wena ratu. I need you nice and fresh when you arrive back, I do not usually cook but the gold you are bringing into our lives is enough to deserve a job (mosebetsi).  So I hope you will be flattered by the fact that I finally decided to “slowy” slaughter nku ela ya ntate and I will be making you a beautiful home cooked stew. Se kgathatsehe ratu, he (goat) slowy died a painless death, he didn’t even cry cause I poisoned him ka di pherefere before I cut him.

I read more of Malema’s comments on the papers and I know he flew all the way to London to come see you, ke tshepa ommethile letsogo. I know you deny it, but he has a thing for you too. I do not know what makes him think you would want to date a guy opalletsweng ke ma planka, osa tsebeng lego kitima 20 meters – when you can have me Ratu (HG Fitting and Turning). I know ke ena otlishitsheng mama le papa wa lena ko London, empa kenna keba fithlishitseng Oliver Tambo.

Di kolobe tsela diska nyaka ho odirisa gender testing this time, because I am all the gender testing you need ratu and once we are done, everyone will know that you are my sponono.  The strange thing is nna hake ho botsha how strong you are, ono mpetha ka feisi, do not worry though that blue eye you caused me is healing nicely. I told you it is a lie that speed kills and I still maintain you are the strongest girl I know, after Serena. Ke ho rata ka lerato laaa… wa itsi moes.

Ratu, Maletsha.

Image source: mg.co.za

 
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