Rape is a scary reality and very difficult to deal with, and it’s even worse when you are a Black man.
I will not speak on behalf of Black men; I will only share stories of rape culture in my circle.
Now I understand why people hate new information and prefer to maintain their ways. New information made me ask myself a question I have never asked before; “Do I honestly think I have never raped anyone?” This led to a whole bunch of questions…
I did not know of rape culture and patriarchy before I was exposed to Woke Sistas, but typical of a dude, I would be defensive and ignore them “publicly”. I felt and still feel I’m being painted as a monster because I am man. Just like how White people get defensive and act ignorant when it’s time to address race and land issues. No one wants to be the devil, and no one wants to deal with the truth.
It’s difficult writing this and I know I can write a chapter in an hour bashing women. That’s easy, what is difficult is coming to the realization that for so many years I have been contributing to the rape culture.
TYPES OF RAPE
Diminished Capacity Rape:
We made fun of one of my boy instead of stopping him; he was taking advantage this other slow girl.
“Diminished capacity rape also takes place when a person has no ability to consent to sexual acts due to intoxication.” – healthyplace.com
One of my boys even has a slogan for it; “Shaya sizobona ekuseni” and I know so many dudes who have joked about this happening over the weekend, we can start from my village to Ruimsig.
In the past I have slept with a couple of girls below 16, and I know my uncles, cousins and all my friends have slept with girls under age. And we all have the same justifications; even though it’s illegal to have sex with someone under age we use these kids consent to justify our actions and we sure hate it when a dudes our age pipe our under age cousins.
One of my boys only prefers young girls (underage) and it’s been that way since high school, his baby mama failed grade 9 because of the pregnancy. Back home it’s even worse, my classmate was sleeping with my cousin who was in primary school at the time and her mother did not want us to stop her from seeing him.
“After 12 is lunch ma nigga”
I know of a guy who is publicly against rape but attempted to rape a common female friend at a house party.
In high school I used to pressure girls into sleeping with me so they can prove they love me and I have seen that “Hurry up and finish” look they have while busy.
Three of my ex’s were raped by their cousins.
My cousin raped his neighbor when he was 12 and I don’t think he is aware of it. He once told me a story of him and this girl’s brother and a few other dudes; they took rounds on his 8 year old neighbor and she even bled.
I witnessed a gang rape with 6 of my boys at a house party, we decided to leave as we had just arrived and found these dudes helping themselves on a super wasted girl. We talked about it as we walked home and even labeled it as rape. In the morning those dudes got arrested but we did nothing to stop the rape.
I don’t know how many tag team stories I have heard in my life – “ibande le Versace”
This breaks my heart even more because culturally, married women are not allowed to deny their husbands sex. I have been told by women va nga khomba (initiated) & married, old and young, loko va va laya; they were told that no matter how drunk he comes home, give him some, ‘rather he passes out on top of you’. This is scary because I have witnessed how men in my family and village treat women, vavasati are not supposed to say no to a man.
This culture starts early, genge (young people) believe if a girl agrees to date you or be known as one’s girlfriend then sex is compulsory. My cousin and a few dudes back home used to tell me to slap around my ex, she did not want to sleep with me and they told me if I slap her around, she will understand and give in.
My boy’s sidechick was home by 4pm to avoid being dragged by her boyfriend. He slapped her around and man powered her when she was not in the mood. When she told me the story, she said it so light hearted as if its normal and my boy, same dude she is sleeping with undercover knows of her struggles.
Drug Related Rape:
When I sold erectile herbs (African Viagra) so many of my clients asked me for a potion to get woman wet and give them sex easily. Luckily I don’t have access to such, and at the time I would’ve sold it to them if I had it.
My cousin told me a story about a girl from Pretoria that he took advantage of by spiking her drink.
I remember when Tiger Boom was big, and I remember when I first heard of the power of eye drops.
This is what they mean by Rape Culture. Rape is not only a violent act. It is what we do on a regular.
Gents, do you honestly think you have never raped another human being?