Disclaimer: The writer would like you to know that he is a bitter senile man that has been caused much misery, dismay and blue balls by plenty of woman in his lifetime.
#1 Miss Passive Aggressive
She wants to celebrate, she is a hopeless romantic, but she is too self-entitled to ever let it be her who initiates anything.
#2 Miss Love Sucks
Maybe love does, maybe not. I can definitely tell you she does for sure though. She sucks more than leeches, she sucks more than big underwear, more than load-shedding when you have to get ready for work, more than the flu in summer, and Missy definitely sucks more than the past 2 lines of this article.
#3 Miss I don’t have side hair
This girl though, where can you take her without side huuuur? Can you risk being seen with her? So I guess between visiting your gran and taking her anywhere in public on valentines; you won’t have much of a hard time deciding.
#4 Miss Downside
Have you ever went all out for a girl? I mean going the whole 9 yards, pulling out all the stops, getting your uncles and aunties in on the public stunt that will show her how much she means to you, and all you get is a “Ncaaaa, so sweet” and a kiss on the cheeks. No upside, no bareback, no teabag, hell not even tongue mfo. Ahhh I just get so emotional thinking about this.
#5 Miss 90-day-rule
She can wait…
#6 Miss “He cheated”
Any woman who doesn’t give her man cheating quota is an unrealistic douche, we hate her. Let no one feel sorry for her, may all her friends (whom she thinks she is better than) not answer their phones and leave her to watch the Kardashian’s alone and I guess we have to thank the Good Lord for wine on her behalf.
#7 Miss Friendzoner
We all agree right? I don’t even need to waste my breath on her right? Thank you!
#8 Miss “No white shoes”
I don’t get how some women can make it their life’s mission to reject men on such stupid things. Girls who set their standards around such dumb things; like type of shoes, what he drinks, the kinda belt, hairdo’s (with exception to dreads on fat guys) need to be alone on such key nights.
#9 Miss “You should know, I am a woman”
Bxtch, if I wanted to read minds I’d be at home watching the mentalist. It’s bad enough that this girl is going to make you figure everything out; from the restaurant to what she wants to drink and whether she wants to end the night at your place or not. Phewww! If you are up for this guessing game, then go for it. Do remember to not slip out a hint of complaint.
Yeah I said it. Technically speaking it is a conflict of interest for them to even be interested in this. “What do I mean? They are girls too.” Well it’s a little too late to lean more towards that anatomical inconvenience Femos. Hook up with your friends for some grumbling or something.
#11 Miss Judgmental
If she looks down on other woman and calls the explorative sexy ones names like ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’, and cannot embrace the spirit of Riri, Miley and Madonna – are you sure you want to spend the whole night with this hollow sweetheart?
#12 Mhani Mfundisi
“Can we not talk about your church for one night?” You love church, it’s beautiful. You go there 5 times a week, I get it, I get it. On any other night, I am happy to phase out while you go on and on about it, but I actually made an effort to make you feel special, can I not hear about Pastor Sono?
#13 Mabebeza / Vo Klevha
I might not be able to list them from the top of my head, but there a few things that will put me off a girl quicker than one who tries to speak tsotsi-taal. It’s right up there with smelly coochies.
#14 Miss “I won’t dress up for you”
If she won’t make any effort whatsoever, please, please, please go out with her dad and brother instead on Valentine’s Day, We won’t stand for this shxt.
If you made the list and want to take it up with me, Don’t! I wasn’t going to take you out anyway.
Image source: brownie.ipnodns.ru