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Sex, Guilt and Christianity 

My daughter is 5 months old. I, like any other parent want the best for her, not only materialistic but holistically. This is, I wish for her to fully own herself, her being. The latest lingo used is to be “woke” (not the Jaden Smith woke). I want her to know who she is, her ancestry and how great she is.

The thing is, when you allow society, the world or even church to raise your kids, you end up with a bunch of confused and lost kids. That’s not what I want. I reckon one day she will ask about sex and I’ll let her know, it’s a beautiful thing created by God. The connection between two souls is one that no one can describe nor deny. And the last thing I want is for her to run to the cool kids instead of coming to me for questions about life or worse, go to religious people.

Once upon a time I was Christian. I tried, wholeheartedly so, to believe in sex after marriage. I used to be part of the crowd that dedicated their bodies to God and tried not to think about having sex. See, I had been sexually active prior to being Christian and I would occasionally be active while I was Christian. And found that my other Christian friends were also sexually active however we all would rededicate our bodies to God and try practice “good behaviour” because “my father’s house has many rooms, one of them belongs to me”.

Religion taught me that sex was bad and thinking about sex was an abomination. That thought brought about guilt which would be the driving force behind our decision to rededicate our bodies to God. We asked Him to cleanse us and wash us until we were white as snow – someone needs to decipher this for me, white as snow?  How? How dirty does one have to be in order to be washed to be white as snow?

Our hearts desires were to be like Jesus, perfect without defect. Question was, how? Because thoughts about sex come naturally.  God created sex, why was it so bad? I did not and still do not believe in sex after marriage, that is why I have a daughter out of wedlock. Imagine giving a child a candy and making them feel guilty for eating it. Do not get me wrong, I am in no way promoting promiscuity. A good friend once said; sex needs two people who love each other, who will engage responsibly. I fully agree with him. And, what is so bad about sex that they made us believe it is the deadliest sin of mankind? When there’s paedophile preachers adorned in God’s glory!

When the time comes, my beautiful Khanya and I will have a conversation about sex. I will tell her of my experience. Will teach her about fully embodying herself.  I will teach her not to be irresponsible in giving or lending herself to guilt nor sit at a table that doesn’t serve her because she will be a slave. That when it comes to love, celebrate it, enjoy it and wear it as a decoration.

When I let go of all misconceptions religion fed me, I began to enjoy having sex without feeling guilty or believing I will not go to heaven.

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